She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
