I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
