My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
