Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
In America we eat man semen.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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