i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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