Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
