Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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