just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm like, not good at living.
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