: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
