Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
