You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
did i just pee glitter
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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