Non-Jews are for practice
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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