Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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