what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
