How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
