Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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