I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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