why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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