the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
