i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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