and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
