Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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