thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have post one night stand depression
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
