I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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