drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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