I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Terrible idea I love it
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