so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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