She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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