i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
