How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
