Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
