Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
