There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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