i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
