R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
