i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
