is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
