tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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