Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im having a threesome with these popsicles
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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