Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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