I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
