We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She bit a glass in half.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
