dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize