census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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