i think my tv is drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
