Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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