Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
