Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
