he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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