3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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