that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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