i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
