Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
