I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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