He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
