it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
