do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
