ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This baby is an asshole
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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