White coat. Heels.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
