im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
