I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
