just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
