Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
