I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
