Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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