you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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