imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
