Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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